Why do married men masturbate?

Why do married men masturbate?  This is a question that I've been thinking about for most of my marriage.  I come across a lot of arguments on both sides of the fence but the Bible isn't explicitly clear on the topic, then that leaves me with logic, as I've always loved this quote:

I do not experience obliged to believe that the aforementioned God who has endowed us with senses, reason, and intellect has intended u.s.a. to forego their use and past another means to give us cognition which we can achieve by them.

-Galileo Galilei

Let'due south expect at some stats on masturbation

Co-ordinate to a Kinsey Institute survey, 72% of respondents said they used porn to masturbate.  So let's look at some porn statistics in Christian circles.

  • In 1996 a Promise Keepers survey at a stadium event revealed that over 50% of the attending men were involved with pornography in the terminal calendar week.  You can bet that number is lower than reality every bit most people wouldn't admit it.  Plus, this is only in the final calendar week.
  • 37% of pastors say that porn is a current struggle.
  • Over half of evangelical pastors say they take watched porn in the final year. (Scary, eh)
  • IN a 2000 Christianity Today survey, 33% of clergy admitted to having visited a porn site.  Of those, 53% have visited these sites "a few times" in the by twelvemonth.  xviii% visit porn sites between a couple of times a month and more than once a week.
  • 57% of pastors say that habit to porn is the well-nigh sexually damaging issue to their congregation (Christians and Sex Leadership Journal Survey, March 2005)
  • 29% of built-in again adults in the U.S. feel information technology is morally acceptable to view movies with explicit sexual behaviour (The Barna Group)
  • 47% of families say porn is a problem in their home (Focus on the Family, October 1, 2003)

Why are nosotros discussing porn?  Well, because if they are watching porn, you can bet they are masturbating.  Merely, now let'due south expect at some masturbation stats:

A survey of 600 Christian men by Dr. Archibald Hart revealed:

  • 61% of married Christian men masturbate.
  • 82% of these have "cocky-sexual activity" on boilerplate once a week, 10%  have sex with self 5-10 times per month.  vi% more than 15 times per month, 1% more than than xx times a month.
  • thirteen% of Christian married men said they felt information technology was normal.

At a poll at The Marriage Bed forums, over half the men said they were having sex with their spouse in one case a week or less.

Data into knowledge

In the higher up survey by Dr. Achibald Hart, we see 61% of Married Christian Men masturbate (wives, have a await at your husband, over fifty/50 chance), and but thirteen% of them feel information technology is normal. That means that 53% of all Christian married men are masturbating and don't feel it is normal.  Take another look at your husband if you are a wife in that location is a fifty/50 take chances he's masturbating and doesn't feel information technology's OK, and then he might not be sharing information technology with yous.

Again, in the survey by Dr. Hart, if you add the figures up, 60% of married Christian men are having sexual practice with themselves in one case a week or more.  While in the marriage bed poll, over one-half the men said they were having sexual activity with their spouse once a week or less.  Who wants to bet that a large overlap of these is the people who are having sex with themselves as often or more than than with their spouse?

Now, if 53% of all Christian men are masturbating and not feeling ok with it, and over half of the men at the Promise Keepers convention said they have watched porn in the last week, that sort of adds up to a scary Venn diagram with a major overlap.  I posit that a very large majority of these Christian men are masturbating while watching porn.

 What does the Bible say?

As I said, there are none that explicitly talk about masturbating, merely I think nosotros tin can find some applicable verses:

Merely I tell yous that anyone who looks at a adult female lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his eye.

Matthew v:28

If you are masturbating and thinking about someone other than your wife, this is infidelity.  Apparently and simple.

But among you at that place must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of whatever kind of impurity, or of greed, considering these are improper for God's holy people.

Ephesians 5:3

At present, the continuing that masturbating is sexual immorality is weak, so I'thou not going to argue that one here.  But I will fence that a lot of men are masturbating out of greed.  They are taking what they want where they tin can get it instead of where God designed your sexual free energy to be focused (a human's married woman).

Timothy, my son, I am giving yous this command in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, then that by recalling them y'all may fight the battle well, holding on to faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected and and then have suffered shipwreck with regard to the faith.

one Timothy ane:xviii-19

Here Paul tells Timothy to hold on to the faith and a good censor.  As we saw earlier from the stats, well-nigh men who are masturbating do not have a articulate conscious about information technology.

It is God'due south will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should acquire to control your own body in a manner that is holy and honourable, not in passionate animalism like the pagans, who exercise not know God;

1 Thessalonians four:iii-5

And a call to control yourself, to not be overtaken by passionate lusts.

Only, I think the largest argument is not an explicit verse, but rather the overriding message of the Bible with regard to marriage and sexuality.   You should devote 100% of your sexual energy to your spouse.  That means when y'all are unmarried, you don't expend sexual free energy.  Otherwise, past doing so, you are cheating on your future spouse.  Nosotros call this fornication.  When you are married, focus all your energy on your spouse.  If you don't, we call this adultery.  And then, if one is married and masturbating solitary, focusing his sexual energy on something other than his spouse (porn or an idealistic version of his wife, or just focusing on his own pleasure), then I'm going to call that adultery, and the Bible is very clear on that.

Now, I say this in all love, having struggled with all this before.  I have a xv-twelvemonth history of porn addiction, from my teenage years through most of my marriage.  In that location were times I could non perform sexually considering I had already masturbated besides many times that solar day.  In that location were times I avoided sexual encounters because I was worried my wife would realize I was being sexually active without her.  And at all times I was hiding something from my wife.

The damage this causes a relationship is not measurable, simply it is substantial, even if y'all wife is not aware of it.  If she is aware, the damage is greatly increased.

So, I understand that some people will still think masturbation is OK, that there is no harm, that it's not adultery, it'due south not sinful and they are doing information technology without lust, so who is it harming?  Talk to your spouse about it, see if you are harming them by masturbating.  If your spouse doesn't know, then I submit that you are lying to them by not telling them office of your sex activity.

The wife'southward body does not vest to her lonely but also to her husband. In the same mode, the hubby's trunk does not belong to him lonely but also to his married woman.

1 Corinthians 7:4

Your body is not yours alone to do with as you like or feel, and if you are using it in a way they do not approve, I believe you are breaking the spirit of this verse.

Why do married men masturbate?

In short, I think there are three reasons.

  1. Ignorance – They don't realize what upshot information technology might be having on their marriage
  2. Selfishness – They know but don't care, they are just chasing an orgasm
  3. Addiction – Some are addicted, and they need help.  Loving, merely firm, help.

Practice you know of any other reasons?

P.S. Since writing this post, I've received a bunch of other questions most masturbation in spousal relationship.  Yous might be interested in these:

  • Is masturbation a sin?
  • Why masturbation is a problem, whether you're married or single
  • Is Mutual Masturbation OK for Married Christians?
  • Mutual Masturbation Survey Results
  • If masturbation is sinful, what do y'all exercise if you don't orgasm during sex?
  • What Is Your Opinion Of Solo Masturbation Due To Separation?
  • Is masturbation for medical reasons okay?
  • What do you do if you lot suspect your spouse of secretly masturbating?
  • My Husband Admitted To Masturbating, How Do I Get Over The Injure?
  • Why does my low-drive spouse masturbate?